There are endless amounts of phenomenon in this world that I just don’t understand. If you understand any of these things please enlighten me, I just want to understand.

First, Gay men. Okay, I understand homosexuality, you are physically attracted to a person of the same sex, it’s been around forever and always will be, it’s just one of natures peculiar anomalies. So if A guy is homosexual he should be attracted to other guys. So, does he go out and find him a muscle bound sweaty construction worked with big biceps, no he goes and gets a man that acts, dresses and talks like a woman. This is where I get confused, if you’re attracted to men why in the hell do you pick a man that acts like a woman. If you want someone that acts and looks like a woman get a woman.

Sorry, O’douls, I just don’t understand non-alcoholic beer. I’m not much of a beer drinker to start with, but if I’m gonna drink a beer it’s going to have alcohol in it. Why would anyone want to go to bar, suck down 6 or 8 non-alcoholic beers, maybe flirt with a woman or two, do a little dancing and then call it a night. So you don’t get buzzed, drunk, toasted or even mildly intoxicated but you still have to take a leak every 15 minutes. I just don’t understand it.

I feel pretty much the same way about decaffeinated coffee, tea, or soda. It’s kinda like playing footsy with someone who doesn’t have any fucking legs. A bit like Necrophilia too, there’s just something missing there. Be careful with that decaf coffee, but I suppose it does have it’s uses, to bring you down at the end of the night after drinking all that non-alcoholic beer with your boyfriend who acts like a woman.

What about phone sex? $2.99 a minute to talk to some woman who is faking an orgasm while filing her nails or balancing her checkbook. I can think of half a dozen women that would do it for free anytime, and won’t fake it. I just can’t understand why anyone would pay for sex. If you can’t get yourself laid you have serious problems. If I weighed 600lbs, was hair-lipped-hunchback with a 3rd arm I could still get laid, but there are tons of people far more normal than that who seem to have great difficulty achieving this feat. I just don’t understand paying for sex, if someone wanted to pay me that would be fine I suppose but that probably wouldn’t go over real well with my girlfriend.

Reunion dot com and classmates dot com. This I really don’t get because there is a very good reason why I haven’t talked to these people in 10 years. I really want to catch up with Richard so and so, find out he married a homely looking illegal alien, had three children, moved to Teaneck, New Jersey and works as a bricklayer. Oh my god, the excitement just overwhelms me. I’m experiencing shortness of breathe and an epinephrine surge just thinking about it.

Now Psychics. You seem them on tv and can call their 900 numbers or get ‘readings’ on the internet. How come everyone was somebody famous in their previous lives. You’ll never hear a psychic tell someone that in their previous life their name was Richard, but everyone called you dick, and that you had a job as a bricklayer in Teaneck, New Jersey and that you had a homely looking illegal alien for a wife and a couple of annoying children. On top of that you were always someone good, no one is ever Hitler, Stalin, or Keith Moon. If I only had a penny for everyone who was Cleopatra in another life.

Yet another thing I don’t quite understand, if Hilary gets elected president do we get to call Bill the first lady?

There are a lot of things I don’t understand about women but I want to talk specifically about the Wal-Mart Syndrome. For my girlfriend going to wal-mart is the equivalent of taking an 8 year old to Disneyland. “I’m gonna run out to the store real quick, do you want to come?” NOoooooo! Absolutely 100% Not. If you ask any sane guy if he would rather spend 8 hours at wal mart with his girlfriend or have exploratory rectal surgery he’s going to ask one question, “How many days of work will I miss if I have the surgery?” That is a no brainer, I’ll take the surgery everytime.

Another thing I don’t get is the guy that stands there hitting the glass pipe with a gram of methamphetamine in it telling you that you need to quit smoking because it is bad for your health and that cigarettes are dangerous. Or the guy sitting at the bar drinking a beer telling me I need to quit drinking

When exactly did used cars become pre-owned? If a woman is divorced is she used or pre-owned? And how come they don’t come with warranties? Then there are the devoutly catholic Hispanic females I have talked to that don’t believe in pre-marital sex and want to respect that tradition and practice so they tell there boyfriends they can only have anal sex. They don’t think that counts as sex, so they aren’t actually having premarital sex. It sounds crazy but I guess it’s no different than Clinton thinking cigar penetration and a blow job does NOT constitute sexual relations.

How come I always have to press one to proceed in English?

I don’t understand Job Titles either. Custodial Engineer translates to Janitor. I have a friend who is a Senior Quality Assurance Analyst for a company. It’s funny because she is the only quality assurance analyst, I guess that makes her the senior analyst be default? When I was in prison my friend bull got a vocational training certification, he was a Laundry Maintenance Technician. He pushed a broom around a couple of hours a day a couple of days a week and tried to steal as much as possible from laundry. The broom was just basically a prop. You can just stand around and as long as you have a broom in your hands it looks like you’re working. How about Correctional Officer? Who and what are these people correcting? I can only speak for the state of Texas because it is the only prison system I have personally experienced but there is no correction going on in there at all. In Texas they prefer to hire Hispanic females and I think they pay by the pound.

How about my rheumatologist, she tells me not to worry about my heart at all, everything is fine and then tells me I need an echocardigram and have to go to the hospital to get put on heart monitor. Wait a minute, I thought I didn’t need to worry about it. Are you doing enough worrying for the both of us? Is that it.

I’m not particularly spiritual or religious, I refer to myself as a recovering catholic and I don’t think that I have a soul, a lot of other people do and they do lots of praying for my soul. Religious fanatics are kind of a pain in the ass sometimes but with all the praying they do for MY soul, I figure it saves me the trouble. The Jehovah’s Witness people came to our door the other day and I missed them. I was downstairs and working she didn’t want to bother me, I was really pissed off, I enjoy talking with people that believe incredibly ridiculous stuff. Mainstream religion is bad enough, but these people have to reinterpret the whole thing in their own original delusional way.

I had an on again off again girlfriend for man years many years ago and she tracked me down online after we went separate ways, I had just gotten divorced and she wanted to get together with me but I had to convert to her church and religious beliefs, she was a Jehovah’s Witness. Needless to say I did not get together with her and have not heard from her since, that was 5 years ago.

Therapy, that’s another thing. People spend years in therapy trying to figure out real basic simple things like, you have to deal with life on life’s terms, you can’t change the past, you don’t have control over other people, you have to accept things the way they are, you have to take responsibility for your actions, you have choices in life and what other people think doesn’t matter. All the talk in the world adds up to nothing, action is the right thing to do and the proactive. I understand these things, and I’m not that old, I know people older and younger than I that will never figure these basic things out. I don’t need to go to an AA meeting for someone to tell me I have a drinking problem, I know I do. I don’t need my doctor to tell me I should 1quit smoking, I know I should, all on my own.

Yet another thing I don’t understand is the credibility that people give to other people or in some cases the lack of. If a guy with a Phd in Quantum Mechanics starts explaining to me the different states that an electron can exist in the quantum physical universe I’m inclined to believe him. But the American Public is so gullible and doesn’t take credibility into consideration. The whole “I saw it on TV, it has to be true” mentality to me is just ridiculous. If my mother tells me I’m lazy she’s right because compared to her I am, but my sister telling me I’m lazy is a different thing. It’s all about credibility and your actions are what give you credibility, not your words. Alleviate everything you say and think from your life and look solely at what you do, that is what defines you and gives you credibility or lack of. Just like the guy at the bar drinking telling me to quit drinking.

I am baffled by the fact that the average American does not understand that a theory is a hypothesis without contradictory evidence. They taught me this in the 4th grade and it’s been applicable to my life ever sense. Even when I water it down and put it into simple redneck terms they still don’t get it.

I’m not going to proof read this because I AM Lazy!

I wake up every morning and watch the world falling apart around me. In some places it has already fallen apart, some places are bursting at the seems ready to become a complete disaster that other aspects of life are. The news is so depressing I try to avoid it. I am surrounded by certain optimistic and hopeful viewpoints which are admirable and noble but completely unrealistic. I know that polarized thinking like this is not at times fair but I think it is appropriate in this situation. People don’ write music and poetry, and books about everything being wonderful and happy all the time and there is a good reason for this. There is only one kind of happiness and no one I know has any problem dealing with happiness, they don’t fret over or sit and ponder happiness, they know exactly how to deal with it and don’t have an innate burning desire to understand it’s etiology, they just embrace and go with it, with little or no though. Now miser, Pain, happiness, despair, apathy, they all come in a million different flavors and varieties. Some of these things we a re able to deal with, but it requires effort, concentration, and focus. These are the thing that we tend to ponder. The traumatic horrible things that happen in our lives outnumber the happiness in my opinion and comprise a larger majority of who we are. The pain and the suffering are the things we tend to think about the most. It’s a lot like the news. No one cares if there wasn’t a fatal accident on state highway 31 today. They’d never report it because no one cares. If the opposite were true people would be interested, give us dirty laundry, we all know that crap is king. In order for me to be happy I have to understand my misery and the trauma in my life. Some self created, some imposed on me by forces beyond my control, but I must ponder it, understand it and accept it which requires far more time and energy than accepting and coping with the one happiness. Having said my piece, this is called Sorrow.

The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land
Plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky:
A man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers,
But awakes to a morning with no reason for waking

He's haunted by the memory of a lost paradise
In his youth or a dream, he can't be precise
He's chained forever to a world that's departed
It's not enough, it's not enough

His blood has frozen & curdled with fright
His knees have trembled & given way in the night
His hand has weakened at the moment of truth
His step has faltered

One world, one soul
Time pass, the river rolls

It's not enough it's not enough
His hand has faltered
.... .... ......

And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication
And silent replies that swirl invitation
Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea
A grim intimation of what is to be

There's an unceasing wind that blows through this night
And there's dust in my eyes, that blinds my sight
And silence that speaks so much louder that words,
Of promises broken

My Middle East Peace Proposal!

I have my own peace proposal for the Middle East; I just hope my house doesn’t get firebombed for my opinions. I am all for Peace in the Middle East, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity. What we have been doing since 1948 when Israel became an official and globally recognized state has not worked, is not working, and will not work. Therefore we must change the way we approach the problem. The Arabs and Muslims are the most peaceful groups on Earth, I don’t care what the average American thinks, compare crime in their countries and ours and you’ll see quickly what I am talking about. We need oil prices to come down and that is an added benefit to my proposal. I have a certain non-blood relative who will go unnamed, we’ll just say he is a lifer in the Marine Corps, and is of the right wing conservative pro-bush persuasion, which basically makes he and I diametrically opposed politically and socially. He once told me that ‘we have to support Israel because they are a Judeo-Christian society. WRONG! Half the world hates us because of our support for Israel. Let’s not just make peace with the Arabs, let’s endear ourselves to them, bring oil prices down, and finally have peace in the Middle East. I am positive that 12-16 moderate yield tactile nuclear weapons well placed through Israel would accomplish all of these things in short order. If you disagree with me, find a Russian Black Marketer and acquire some rocket-propelled grenades and aim for Haifa!

Acute Rheumatic Fever Blues

Let’s make sure I get this right, Rheumatic fever is an inflammatory disease that usually develops approximately 20 days after a streptococcus bacterial infection. It is common world wide, but quite rare in The United States. The illness primarily affects children ages 5-16, 20 days following a streptococcal infection such as strep throat or scarlet fever. Females are much more prone to Acute Rheumatic Fever than Males. Symptoms include but are not limited to fever, joint-pain, joint swelling, Epistaxis, asymptomatic cardiac involvement, erythema marginatum, emotional instability (like I need any more of that and muscle weakness and fatigue. There is no one single blood test that can allow a physician to make a diagnosis of Acute Rheumatic Fever, but blood tests for recurrent strep infections (ASO or antiDNAse B), presence of symptoms and monitoring of levels of antistreptylosin, which is an antibody that is related directly to rheumatic symptoms. When you have an infection your white blood cells and specific antibodies become elevated as your body fights off the infection. A normal ASO level is 0-200; mine has come down and is now 484.7. I have been on anti-biotics for a week and still maintain a fever. Long-term heart valve damage is common with people who are untreated or have the illness for long periods of time. As well as Endocarditis, Heart Failure, Arrhythmias and Pericarditis. I get my echocardiogram on Thursday, which just thrills me with my family history of heart disease. Treatment consist of a long period of treatment with anti-biotics, usually erythromycin, penicillin or sulfadiazine. I’m allergic to the last two so I am on the first. Treatment also includes anti-inflammatories and corticosteroids. All of which I am on and best I can tell I’m not getting any better at all. So maybe you’re wondering how in the hell did a 30-year-old male get a disease that is most commonly found in female’s ages 6-15? Well if you were wondering, you’re not alone; I’ve been pondering that one too. This is a very old illness, it was extremely common and often deadly in the first part of the 20th century in America, particularly during the depression, in which overall living conditions and quality medical treatment was not readily available to the average Joe on the street. One more curveball for you. If you haven’t already read about it or don’t know I have a severe mental illness: schizoaffective mood disorder, the ICD9 Code is 295.7 if you are interested in looking it up. Ok no big deal I have been on psych meds for 20 years and I’m stable. Wrong, those corticosteroids seem to enjoy triggering long term intense manic episodes for me. It’ll keep me awake so long and going so fast and have my thoughts so disorganized that I might actually believe I am a 6-15 year old female.


National Institute of Health
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003940.htm