Appointment with Death!

To accept life is to accept death. You, me, everyone you know, everyone I know, all of us have an inevitable prescheduled appointment with death that we cannot miss, we can’t be late for it and we can’t decide to not show up, it is going to happen. Today I know that acceptance is the key to all my problems. I realize at age 30 it is a bit ludicrous to be contemplating death, but as you age you come closer and closer to that appointment, my father who is 61 said to me, “once you get to be my age you don’t even worry about it anymore” I am not on my deathbed but as I watch the time go by I am cognizant of the fact that each and every breath I take, every word I write on this blog leaves me one less to my last. I am currently quite ill with Rheumatic Fever, and the extent of the damage done to my heart is not yet known, they are still running tests. Endless tests. I take psychiatric medication which is an absolute necessity, I take anti-convulsants for my form of epilepsy, I will be on anti-biotics for the rest of my life apparently, and of course I am taking anti-inflammatories and cortical steroids for my rheumatic symptoms, it gets harder and harder to make it up and down the stairs each day. I normally don’t pay attention to the news but I have an RSS feed from CNN on my screensaver and I noticed the early death of Syd Barrett, one of my heroes that was two days after seeing that Billy Preston had died. All I want is the same as everyone, Why am I here and for how long?